Monday, 30 April 2012

from me to you, as a friend.

'So how are you feeling today?' I ask the figure reclining on the couch as I grab my note-pad and take my usual place in my cozy arm chair.
'Giddy' he says, turning slightly on the sofa 'I think'
I nod but he doesn’t say anything, maybe he's waiting for me to say something.
'That’s okay; you might be experiencing a dozen more emotions at this moment.'
'How many patients do you get every day?'
I hate it when he makes the conversation drift to me abruptly, it makes me uneasy.
'Depends, on the appointments'
'How many emotions do you feel daily?'
I smile 'a hundred, maybe a thousand'
'Hard to believe, your face is quite bland more than half the time.'
I frown now, although he is very much at ease.
'well, that is none of your business. I am the physiatrist here; I am trying to solve your issues. Lets get back to that' I say it in as a measured tone as I can manage. Something about him keeps me at the edge.
He laughed out loud 'of course, but don’t you ever feel the need to consult someone too? Don’t you let loose?'
I am on the verge of screaming with impatience but I carry on in the same even tone 'my letting loose, Mr. Haven is my problem but your problem I have been noticing is that you worry more about others and if you put that ounce of attention to yourself you'll be much better. Not everyone is looking for your consent.'
'Isn't that what you do too? Worry about others?'
'No! I help people who make a big deal about worries.' This guy is weird. 'Anyways so tell me, what bothers you deep down? Makes you annoying for others'

Thankfully we continue the session without anymore of his wandering questions and I get up alongside him after an hour. I take my coat and the keys and while he puts his own coat on, he eyes me warily.
'You are leaving?'
'Indeed I am, I have errands to run' I say and he nods. As I shut and lock the door behind us, I keep thinking about the session. At times this guy disturbs me. When I get down he's getting into his car, I signal him and walk over.
'need a lift?'
'no thanks, I have my car with me. I know i am your physiatrist and it's a very formal acquaintance but if you have thought of any past sessions of ours I just want to give you an advice, as a friend though we are not' I pause and without letting him speak first I carry on 'you honestly need to stop thinking about others more than you need to, it's time you start giving yourself time and let people know you rather than you try to figure everything about them. It's become a habit of yours, it will take time to subside but you'll manage. Think over it.' With that I give him a smile and rush back to my car.
As I start the car a glance back at him and I can see it. What all those sessions of endless conversations couldn’t manage a few words did. Sometimes you don’t need all these money wasting sessions, all you need are some honest words from a friend that will bring you back to sense. I wave at him as I drive by, he might not need another session after this.


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