Silenced.

She sat alone on the lone bench; a silver head facing the outstretched yet empty gardens, behind her stood the old building where a dozen more like her sat. She could hear the endless whispers in her ears, calling out to her, even when no when was around.She was alone still. All her life she craved for solidarity and silence and now, when her wish was attained, she only shuddered in pain and longing, at all times.  Truly alone and trapped in isolation of her own body; unable to utter a word or hear anything apart from old murmurs. She saw their lips move, she saw them laugh and then she'd cry to herself, in her own solitary mind. Abandoned. Deserted. Shut away from all those around with a constant reminder that it was her own much desired wish, she sat alone on the single bench, facing the empty gardens, isolated in a world of gazillions, forgotten like a thousand day dreams…

Looming Question Marks.

What if we were never borne? What if we had died ages past?

What if there was no tomorrow? Yesterday was history and we had regrets and qualms?

What would happen if we lost everyone? If there were no strangers but wars predicted?

What if we never got a chance and everything was as easy as we desired?

Would there still be faith to hold on? Would we still have questions to ask?

When would we realize then? When would we try then?

Will we still think like we do, now? Will we still use our minds then?

If world was as easy as we want it to be, wouldn’t we just be blind arrogant fools then?

Momina.

Crazy Ramblings #5

It's better to stop expecting anything from others and to keep up to only your expectations and only for yourself. Why? Because sometime, somewhere everyone is going to disappoint you and to save yourself thedisappointment of being disappointed you need to stop keeping expectations. Save yourself some misery, because you would be disappointing people too. So, it's just better to set your own goals, reach them, have a personal celebration and be happy. The point is being happy. And you'll only be happy when nobody is hurting you and you are hurting nobody. I am not sure why I am writing this, but I think we all need to be happy. It's important. I am crazy.

Memoirs

Eighteen is a difficult age.You honestly seem to be standing in the middle of nowhere. Abandoned and alone. Sure there are the loved ones around you but honestly you are alone. Not to mention all those thoughts cooking up in your head.
Papers. Admissions. Universities' due dates. Entry tests. Merits. Result.  
The haphazardness and nausea of it all. The 'what will become of me?'s and 'what should I do?'s.
It's like being in an endless circle of sleepless nights, fear and prayers. 
And to top it all of, you are an adult. The trap. 


Anyways, here is a poem, (was that kind of abrupt?) 

Like smiling sunshine and rusted frames,
With memories clogged and grayed
Of those mystical times and hours splayed
Mesmerizing and captivating in ages today.
Of eyes that glazed on every good bye,
Of the thrilling adventures filled with ecstatic smiles.
Like golden dust splattered on a sad sky
Like blissful breeze when lone and tired.
The little clouds of dust that fly 
When heavenly drops fall from the sky
When we all laughed not caring of tomorrow
Then was the time when there were truly no sorrows.


Momina.

A first.

I realized that I got tagged for my first blog award, and I was supposed to do the post. So doing thing this now.
Thank you Ph_ for this award! It's my first and it made me incredibly happy and I am very gracious that you thought my writing was worth it.

So here's the deal, you get tagged you do a whole post.

1. If you get tagged you post eleven facts about yourself.
2. You answer the eleven questions given to you by the person who tagged you.
3. Further tag eleven bloggers (with less than 200 followers).
4. Give them eleven questions to answer.
5. No tagging back.

ELEVEN FACTS ABOUT MYSELF:

- I love my sister, Hadia, she is my life. Literally.  

- I love my family and friends and am very protective about them.

- I have an obsession with watching clouds.

- I LOVE rain. I love standing and splashing in the rain like an idiot.

- I am a very shy and silent person and do no speak unless I am spoken too.

- I am extremely possessive about everything that I own.

- I am weird about love. The fact that I write love stories does NOT makes me lovey-dovey. I am not.

- I believe my words are the only thing that make me.

- I love pasta and biryani. Yum.

- My favorite color is blue but I obsess a lot over yellow. weird.

- When I have to tell people about myself I forget who I am. 

QUESTIONS BY Ph_ 

-What is the place you desire the most to visit?

A whole world tour would be nice.

-What is your season weather and why?

Monsoon!!! For obvious reasons. And Spring for it's freshness, Autumn for it's colors and Winters for the peaceful air. 

-What will you prefer: A lie to save someone being hurt or honesty for best advice and opinion.

Honesty of course because lies seem fine only initially and later often gives you a feel of betrayal.

- How do you like to spend you Sundays?

They pretty much turn out the same as other days.but they are lazy days.

- What is your priority? Partying with acquaintances or spending time with real friends?

Real friends, they go all the way.

- What is life in your views?

Life is a war between time, desires and needs. It's a mixture or everything tossed together. It's an endless walk to inner peace. (which, by the way, a person rarely attains)

- One song lyric you like the most?

 "even angels have their wicked schemes..." - Skylar Grey (Love the way you lie)
Also shared by an extremely close (and shodi) friend.

- 90's music or whatever they create right now?

Depends on the mood, there is music for every mood.

- What is your biggest regret?

I don't think i have any regrets, if I never did any one thing I did I probably wouldn't be here.

- How do you celebrate your happiness?

I tell my family and close friends, get appreciative hugs, and smile and talk about it for a few days.

- Three things you cannot imagine living a day without?

1. My sister Hadia.
2. A mode of  communication with my parents, sisters and closest friends.
3. Something to pen my thoughts on.

ELEVEN QUESTIONS :

• Favorite quote, and why?
• One thing about you that people wouldn't assume by looking at you?
• Would you rather forgive something said about you or verbally lash the person who said it?
• Something about you that makes you really proud.
• A single favorite book you wouldn't mind reading twice or thrice. Why?
• One person whose (God forbid) death would change you? Why? 
• What's that which you desire the most from life?
• Your favorite word. Yes, word.
• Beauty comes from ______ ?
• Five thing that life is about.
• Words for you are?

BLOGGERS TAGGED:

- Amna Memon

- Tayyaba

- Raaji

- Khadeeja

- riddleinninesyllables

- Plain flawless

-Usama Lali

A nobody, restrained.

A question, I asked,

Replies were naught.

I whispered a query

Silenced, I was.

I had uncertainties, doubts and suspicions

But I wasn’t allowed, even to ponder.

I had discoveries to share

I was hushed.

I raised my hands

They were cut.

My wishes were,

Scattered and ignored.

A nonentity

More unknown than dust

I was to be doused

Even before I could levitate.

I was nothing,

They fed to my brain

A faceless existence

Never to be named.

Crazy Ramblings #4

Lately I have been reading a lot of suicide posts on different blogs and hearing such stories. It's mostly them or goodbye posts. Like the other day; I was going through some blogs and most of them had just goodbyes. I wonder if it will ever happen to me.  I hope not. And then there are the suicide posts. I don’t know why people even consider it. They probably consider it because of people.  Whoever had the thought of suicide occur to him or her and who is reading this I want them to know something: nobody is worth it. You'd be sacrificing your life for them but there is a 90% probability that they wouldn’t even care, they'll go ahead with their own lives and probably hurt a few other people like they did you. So it's better just to hang in there, regardless of the hurt and betrayal. It will obviously pain you but sooner or later you will come to terms with yourself. And if it's crucial times that have caused you to think of it, I am sure life hasn’t disappointed you and has done better for you, and in times to come it will do the same. So don’t consider suicide, consider moving on. Smile. Deny your life the hurt and pain. Be strong. Face it. Stand up. You are worth everything good that has ever happened to you, and more. Be happy. Be crazy. I am crazy. I know I am. 

Forewarning.

Often wind whispers and calls my name,

Filling me with fear of the dreaded halt

I frown back and tell death to wait

The wind cackles and sighs ignoring my case,

'But for now it's not coming your way,

It's just a reminder for you to be played

Because when it will come all will stay

You won't even get a chance to complain

Beware is all it wants to say

For there is an eternity past these days.'

Momina.

Crazy Ramblings #3

I have had the pleasure of having a couple of brilliant friend, each unique in a distinct way and some exceptional than the rest (and I am not even being modest). They have been there and always there for me, for quite some time now, so much that I seem to have forgotten how to make friends. I guess it comes naturally but I have been having this craving to let someone to know me; someone who knows who I am but doesn’t know me. I restraint myself to a certain level of frankness but this time I am willing to surpass the barriers. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I want someone to come up to me and tell me they want to know me. Again, I am not sure why.  I know it's useless since it will be up to me to open up to them and that is a very difficult task, for me at least. It's not that I am not at ease with my friends, I am, but I have this weird craving to know someone better. I am probably crazy. I know I am.

Momina.

Crazy Ramblings #2

Sometimes when I get too angry or tired or sad or just unsatisfied, I go in the kitchen and I open the door of the freezer and stand in front of it. I just stand there and make an effort to not think and concentrate on breathing. And at one point I realize that breathing in the cold freezer air is difficult because it hits your throat in a weird way. I don’t know why but it happens every time and the thought just hits me. Even when I know it's going to pop into my mind when I stand in front of the freezer, it still strikes me. And when we are angry or tired or sad or just unsatisfied, we just need these type of weird thoughts to tell us that it doesn’t matter. Everything is a random silly thing that somehow makes sense and it isn’t really important to understand it. I think I get high on the cold freezer air. I am probably crazy. I know I am.

Momina.