I
am stagnant. Stuck, trapped, in time. Where, exactly? I know naught. And I am
confused; undecided about whether to move or not. The effort to move requires
energy and that seems to be lost. No matter how hard I try I cannot summon it.
Besides, I don’t think I want to move. I am a captive of my sanity, or is it my
insanity? Spellbound in my own conscience, unwilling to escape even when I can.
It’s an easy way out, but it seems too much, a journey I am reluctant to make.
I
can’t read or think or write. It’s seems like ages when I last wrote, or
attended to business that needs to be done. It all seems pointless. I just want
to sit back and watch everyday go by, no issues of time or jobs due. No
nothing. Every day, though, there’s a moment when I think, when I know
that I can do anything, be anything, and conquer all. But in a blink that
reserve of energy is gone and I am left in an abyss of futile thoughts. Just
like that. I let it go too soon maybe. My actions seem so slow. Like the feeling
when you take sleeping pills and everything goes so hazy that you need minutes
to think something so simple. That trance? It feel like that. Yes.
Oh
well, there’s always tomorrow right? Today we can sit back and relax and just
worry later…tomorrow. And act too, of course. It’s seems like a petty argument
between now or never, where I am lost. Being tossed around, not struggling but
misplaced. Waiting for a sign, for strength.
-Momina.
The strength will come, you have to embrace and act upon it as soon as you feel it, or you'll never escape your rut.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mark.
Deleteis it the winter effect or a coincidence that we are both having the same kinda feelings!
ReplyDeleteas usual very nicely expressed! :)
I think it's a mixture of the effects of winter and boredom!
DeleteThank you, Aqsa! :)
It's another one of those states which we pass through every now and then. You need no suggestions 'cause you'll know when to 'wake' up. Even if you don't, life will start causing trouble so much that you'll be forced out of your trance.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy this until you can afford to...
I should really, stop worrying and start enjoying. But it's lasted long enough.
DeleteWe all go through such state. And I feel I can totally relate to it. I don't know what it is, maybe depression or a hollow feeling but once you get out of it victorious, you won't feel that bad. I mean you might actually feel that it was worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteI hope the sign you are waiting for will come soon :)
You are right, we all experience it now or then, maybe even if it's just to give us a break.
DeleteThank you, Aqsa. (:
Blankness is a standpoint of unanswered questions.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thought!
DeleteSometimes losing yourself in time is the best thing to do! To me it feels like watching life go in a slow motion.
ReplyDeleteIt feels exactly like that. Numbing.
DeleteThough annoying as time traps may be, they do serve one purpose, and that is the purpose of growth. Sometimes, to be still without movement is the greatest action. In this way, you have less distractions and can concentrate on the moment at hand.
ReplyDeleteInteresting thought, as then everything else seems of little important so you can give time to he matter at hand.
DeleteThank you!