Story: From the Diary of a Middle Child.

The following is a story, it has no connection to the writer or any other person, living or dead. The work is entirely fiction; advice and feedback would be appreciated, not criticism. Thank you.

-I am simple. My life, I guess, is okay. It seems so. There seems to be less problems and troubles than those faced by others. Sure there are times when life seems to be crumbling down. Its real bad then.  Like the times when my elder sister would slap me right across the face for no reason other than the fact that she was angry. It’s happened more than once. More than half a dozen times.  Of course I don’t go whining to my mom. No, I prefer to cry in peace and not talk to my sister, or try to do so.

I am unusual. Different. I don’t drool over celebs or people of the opposite sex that others tend to find *cute*. I simply don’t notice them and I have no comment on them. Nada. No, I am not homo. I am weird.

I don’t like it when my little brother gets ignored. He is sensitive. It’s his right, he needs the attention. I try to make him feel better, he fails to gets it. But I try.

Why don’t they realize? Life has its problems but it gets better. A straight road is no fun, a curvy one holds all the adventures.

**********

 

-It’s not a joke. Life. It’s not a bloody joke.  No matter how much I try or what I do, she always stands right. Always. Haven’t I always done more for you? You have no idea what she says about you and behind your back. Or do you have any idea that it’s me always reasoning with her, putting sense into her. You don’t know. You hate me. Because she is your first and she’ll always be, right there number one on your list. No matter what I do or how hard I try. I am never right. It’s always them, always her. Why? Why me? Why do I face all the troubles? Even when I try to do the right always. I try not to break your trust like she has. I do not talk mean of you to others. I try to never think badly of you. It’s all useless though. When you don’t trust me because I’ll always remain wrong. I never believed the face that the middle child is neglected. You've proved me wrong.

**********

 

-There is a soft blurry edge to everything. It’s hazy. Everything  looks funny as if each item merges into the other. As if watching through a sheath of heavy pouring rain. As if it’s a mirage. Out of focus and bokeh-ed, forming into bubbles and then tipping out of focus. Moving; side to side. Unstable. They loose colors as if drained. Black and white. Then grey. A big ugly blotch of blurry grey. Getting bigger, darker. Swallowing me up, painlessly. Good. The pills are working.

  ***********

-Momina.

Crazy Ramblings #6

I have started relying on coke for when I get stressed. I just fill up a big coffee mug with it's cool blackness and sit in a quiet corner nursing my issues. I guess you have to, sometimes, you reach the level where you can't bother others with your own problems. It's then that you lean on these worldly non-living-but-fizzing-in-your-cup-as-if-alive things. I know it's mostly desserts people prefer with the whole phenomena of stress-spelled-backwards-is-desserts but coke is just as good. It doesn’t out does chocolate though, but it works fine, really. And the way it pops and fizzes in your mouth is somehow very calming.

And while I let out my concerns to coke, it frost the cup, letting out it's on the big mug it's filling. And I suppose the mug lets it out in the air where it all mingles with other stuff hanging there; looked over stuff, avoided stuff, disappointed stuff. It's there, together in it's loneliness. Like me. like us. I think too much. Next time I'll try calling a friend while drinking that mug of coke; someone to hold me in the reality, while I am probably going crazy.

Momina.

Being a 'me'

There is a pleasure in passing through pathless woods, a sweet pain in getting lost; a pleasant thought of getting away. Leaving everything behind and escaping unnoticed, as if dreaming.  Enjoying the acquaintance of complete strangers and for once letting go truly because there will be none to judge you, call you or remind you of the seemingly endless duties.

Patiently enjoying the company of one’s self because in that moment nothing matters.  You can speak when you want to, avoid what you wish to and conduct your heart with peace.  Sitting loud and lone like a distant sea shore, devoid of tensions and pains. Smiling at self control and weeping for one’s desire. And when it’s all calm and clean you can go back to being a ‘me’.

Momina.

Roadside treats

We all travel an aimless, useless journey. It’s nothing till we move on and realize, and it’s then, that it becomes meaningful. Striving us towards a purpose and strengthening it as we move on. The result always tempting us to move further, one step faster, one jump closer. We are fragments of nothing until there comes a reason of achievement.  We are just travelers of a barren road attracted by the occasional treats to feed our purpose.

But one often embarks on a journey with a mind set so adamantly on a subject that we forget most of the journey. We forget to enjoy the path. There’s always the leaping forward and grabbing the prize; what comes to you on that way is of not of a mere importance. And in those moments of lust for the prize and the fire of winning we very often lose. Not the race but to the reality; to the acceptance that, that which came to us on the way was far more important, more infinite than the end prize itself only then you’ve lost it and seldom does it comes back.

-Momina.

Silenced.

She sat alone on the lone bench; a silver head facing the outstretched yet empty gardens, behind her stood the old building where a dozen more like her sat. She could hear the endless whispers in her ears, calling out to her, even when no when was around.She was alone still. All her life she craved for solidarity and silence and now, when her wish was attained, she only shuddered in pain and longing, at all times.  Truly alone and trapped in isolation of her own body; unable to utter a word or hear anything apart from old murmurs. She saw their lips move, she saw them laugh and then she'd cry to herself, in her own solitary mind. Abandoned. Deserted. Shut away from all those around with a constant reminder that it was her own much desired wish, she sat alone on the single bench, facing the empty gardens, isolated in a world of gazillions, forgotten like a thousand day dreams…

Looming Question Marks.

What if we were never borne? What if we had died ages past?

What if there was no tomorrow? Yesterday was history and we had regrets and qualms?

What would happen if we lost everyone? If there were no strangers but wars predicted?

What if we never got a chance and everything was as easy as we desired?

Would there still be faith to hold on? Would we still have questions to ask?

When would we realize then? When would we try then?

Will we still think like we do, now? Will we still use our minds then?

If world was as easy as we want it to be, wouldn’t we just be blind arrogant fools then?

Momina.

Crazy Ramblings #5

It's better to stop expecting anything from others and to keep up to only your expectations and only for yourself. Why? Because sometime, somewhere everyone is going to disappoint you and to save yourself thedisappointment of being disappointed you need to stop keeping expectations. Save yourself some misery, because you would be disappointing people too. So, it's just better to set your own goals, reach them, have a personal celebration and be happy. The point is being happy. And you'll only be happy when nobody is hurting you and you are hurting nobody. I am not sure why I am writing this, but I think we all need to be happy. It's important. I am crazy.

Memoirs

Eighteen is a difficult age.You honestly seem to be standing in the middle of nowhere. Abandoned and alone. Sure there are the loved ones around you but honestly you are alone. Not to mention all those thoughts cooking up in your head.
Papers. Admissions. Universities' due dates. Entry tests. Merits. Result.  
The haphazardness and nausea of it all. The 'what will become of me?'s and 'what should I do?'s.
It's like being in an endless circle of sleepless nights, fear and prayers. 
And to top it all of, you are an adult. The trap. 


Anyways, here is a poem, (was that kind of abrupt?) 

Like smiling sunshine and rusted frames,
With memories clogged and grayed
Of those mystical times and hours splayed
Mesmerizing and captivating in ages today.
Of eyes that glazed on every good bye,
Of the thrilling adventures filled with ecstatic smiles.
Like golden dust splattered on a sad sky
Like blissful breeze when lone and tired.
The little clouds of dust that fly 
When heavenly drops fall from the sky
When we all laughed not caring of tomorrow
Then was the time when there were truly no sorrows.


Momina.

A first.

I realized that I got tagged for my first blog award, and I was supposed to do the post. So doing thing this now.
Thank you Ph_ for this award! It's my first and it made me incredibly happy and I am very gracious that you thought my writing was worth it.

So here's the deal, you get tagged you do a whole post.

1. If you get tagged you post eleven facts about yourself.
2. You answer the eleven questions given to you by the person who tagged you.
3. Further tag eleven bloggers (with less than 200 followers).
4. Give them eleven questions to answer.
5. No tagging back.

ELEVEN FACTS ABOUT MYSELF:

- I love my sister, Hadia, she is my life. Literally.  

- I love my family and friends and am very protective about them.

- I have an obsession with watching clouds.

- I LOVE rain. I love standing and splashing in the rain like an idiot.

- I am a very shy and silent person and do no speak unless I am spoken too.

- I am extremely possessive about everything that I own.

- I am weird about love. The fact that I write love stories does NOT makes me lovey-dovey. I am not.

- I believe my words are the only thing that make me.

- I love pasta and biryani. Yum.

- My favorite color is blue but I obsess a lot over yellow. weird.

- When I have to tell people about myself I forget who I am. 

QUESTIONS BY Ph_ 

-What is the place you desire the most to visit?

A whole world tour would be nice.

-What is your season weather and why?

Monsoon!!! For obvious reasons. And Spring for it's freshness, Autumn for it's colors and Winters for the peaceful air. 

-What will you prefer: A lie to save someone being hurt or honesty for best advice and opinion.

Honesty of course because lies seem fine only initially and later often gives you a feel of betrayal.

- How do you like to spend you Sundays?

They pretty much turn out the same as other days.but they are lazy days.

- What is your priority? Partying with acquaintances or spending time with real friends?

Real friends, they go all the way.

- What is life in your views?

Life is a war between time, desires and needs. It's a mixture or everything tossed together. It's an endless walk to inner peace. (which, by the way, a person rarely attains)

- One song lyric you like the most?

 "even angels have their wicked schemes..." - Skylar Grey (Love the way you lie)
Also shared by an extremely close (and shodi) friend.

- 90's music or whatever they create right now?

Depends on the mood, there is music for every mood.

- What is your biggest regret?

I don't think i have any regrets, if I never did any one thing I did I probably wouldn't be here.

- How do you celebrate your happiness?

I tell my family and close friends, get appreciative hugs, and smile and talk about it for a few days.

- Three things you cannot imagine living a day without?

1. My sister Hadia.
2. A mode of  communication with my parents, sisters and closest friends.
3. Something to pen my thoughts on.

ELEVEN QUESTIONS :

• Favorite quote, and why?
• One thing about you that people wouldn't assume by looking at you?
• Would you rather forgive something said about you or verbally lash the person who said it?
• Something about you that makes you really proud.
• A single favorite book you wouldn't mind reading twice or thrice. Why?
• One person whose (God forbid) death would change you? Why? 
• What's that which you desire the most from life?
• Your favorite word. Yes, word.
• Beauty comes from ______ ?
• Five thing that life is about.
• Words for you are?

BLOGGERS TAGGED:

- Amna Memon

- Tayyaba

- Raaji

- Khadeeja

- riddleinninesyllables

- Plain flawless

-Usama Lali

A nobody, restrained.

A question, I asked,

Replies were naught.

I whispered a query

Silenced, I was.

I had uncertainties, doubts and suspicions

But I wasn’t allowed, even to ponder.

I had discoveries to share

I was hushed.

I raised my hands

They were cut.

My wishes were,

Scattered and ignored.

A nonentity

More unknown than dust

I was to be doused

Even before I could levitate.

I was nothing,

They fed to my brain

A faceless existence

Never to be named.