You can't leave it blank...

You could try to move on.

I could, perhaps, but it isn't easy. I don’t know where to begin, what to change and what to pause.

Start from within, start from yourself.

Is the problem inside me?

No. Maybe.

It is isn't it. They let me go, they never held me back. It’s me whose been holding myself back there.

It’s okay, it happens.

No… it’s me. It’s like I am stuck in quicksand. Moving is impossible.

You can try.

Haven’t I done that, already? Tried. I am too stuck with these people. I know that if I love them I’ll let them go. But I do love them, and it’s obvious that I've let them go, but I can’t accept that.

You have to; you have to acclimate to it.

Why?

Because if you won’t, you’ll destroy yourself; you’ll hurt your own self.

Perhaps that’s what supposed to happen.

No, then you’ll wrong the people who believe in you. Wrong the people who you love and those who love you.

Can’t I just start all over?

That’s what you have to do, start all over. Let them go, it’s a new beginning. It’s yours to write.

What if I leave it blank?

You won’t. You know yourself better than others, you know you never miss a chance. You are to help other people, cheer them, and be there for them. And some of them will be there for you, always and you won’t regret it. Even for its setbacks.

You think so? Will I be able to do that?

I know so, you've already done that. Once, it’s time to do it again. To let those in, who want to love you, who will love you.

Perhaps. And you…

Me…?

Thank you, I love you.

And I, you.

-Momina.

Unanswered

The weather is gloomy and dreary; oppressing as heaving mist so everything seems monotonous. Dull. Unexciting. Yet, in this colorless environment, today I hum like a ball of energy, ecstatic. There’s no reason to it in general, but I am content, satisfied; the type of content that comes after venting out something that you've long kept with yourself, the type of content that brings utter joy, even with all the questions still unanswered, even with the future a puzzle.  Why? Because it’s suppose to be that way, not all questions are supposed to be answered there and then, sometimes you just give them time and they  just unfold themselves into answers. And the future, of course is always a riddle. Even when it’s all planned and set for you, it’s really just wobbly. You can see through it, but you can never be sure of how stable it is. A split second, that’s all it takes for the ground to disappear from underneath you. The insurance and protections, they don’t matter then.  We stand, but we really might just drop down any second. Not a single minute is predictable, well… maybe some are, but most aren't.

‘Live in the moment’, they say but every moment we live, we are planning the other. It’s such an intricate web of events. The one moment that you are living this minute is turning into your past by the same rate. And in that very moment you are also planning your future, yes, it could be something as simple as ‘I gotta tell this to my friend’ or ‘I’ll make that for lunch’, but it’s happening.  I said that future is a riddle; well the present and past don’t seem to be such a simple case themselves. 

-Momina.