‘Always aim for the moon, so even if you
fall, you can land on the stars.’
She
played with the word of the quote in her mind while tears streamed down from
the corners of her eyes and disappeared somewhere in her hair. As she stared at
the bunk above her, even the stars seemed too far; past the two bunks above
her, the roof, the second story and the limitless distance towards the sky. An
impossible journey.
She
looked at the hardwood of the bed above, staring back at her and wondered where
her life was going. She was nowhere. Life had always been so perfect for her,
the choices were never her own, just an illusion at that, but she enjoyed them
nonetheless. She had honestly nothing planned for her future, and it wandered
off in the forbidden lands of nowhere. But finally a decision was reached and she
struggled with all her might to take it from there; she had an aim, a door to
reach.
But
karma, karma was a pain in the behind, the door of opportunity was nothing more
than an illusion, a mirage in the dry dessert that she had taken to be an
oasis, a disappointment that sent her crashing down, with all her spirits
drowning in self pity and accusation. Before her lied nothing but a barren land,
she had journeyed from nowhere to nowhere. At first she had had a goal to
chase, that would have been her way out, but now there was no goal, no target.
The planes of disappointment spread out vast in every direction she looked.
They were limitless and she had no clue where to go and nobody to guide her.
Tears
came stronger than ever as she realized the reality of her situation again. She
considered calling her best-friend and spilling out all her worry to her but
she had probably done all she could; she had helped her up after she had
crashed down under the weight of disappointments and dusted her down, raising
her drowned spirits. She had felt a lot better then, but now, weighing her
options she had to admit that she was stuck, her mind clogged.
She
heaved muted sobs in the dark room as the night grew longer. Eventually she
fell in a chain of weird dreams that woke her up every half hour or so, every
time greeted by the everlasting darkness. At sunrise she sat up in her bed with
a throbbing head and stinging eyes that were red and strained as she
contemplated on her series of dreams, they had felt so meaningful but now they
just seemed like pointless gibberish. She sighed, but couldn’t bring herself to
sleep again.
The
days became unnumbered as she went through her daily routine. She felt bored
out of her wits yet there was so much to do that the day passed away in a blur.
The nights were the same; an endless series of little sleep and deep dreams
that lost meaning as soon as she pondered over them. Her thought had attached
themselves to her mind like a leech, they sucked all energy out of her, her
state was all she could think of and it always left her with a numbing headache
that sent shivers down her spine and flooded her in cold sweat. She was stuck
in the dry planes of nowhere looking for answers while her life had become a
struggle, a question of her existence, an effort to live everyday one after the
other in a single hope that somewhere she’ll find a response, a sign, a guide.
