I
am stagnant. Stuck, trapped, in time. Where, exactly? I know naught. And I am
confused; undecided about whether to move or not. The effort to move requires
energy and that seems to be lost. No matter how hard I try I cannot summon it.
Besides, I don’t think I want to move. I am a captive of my sanity, or is it my
insanity? Spellbound in my own conscience, unwilling to escape even when I can.
It’s an easy way out, but it seems too much, a journey I am reluctant to make.
I
can’t read or think or write. It’s seems like ages when I last wrote, or
attended to business that needs to be done. It all seems pointless. I just want
to sit back and watch everyday go by, no issues of time or jobs due. No
nothing. Every day, though, there’s a moment when I think, when I know
that I can do anything, be anything, and conquer all. But in a blink that
reserve of energy is gone and I am left in an abyss of futile thoughts. Just
like that. I let it go too soon maybe. My actions seem so slow. Like the feeling
when you take sleeping pills and everything goes so hazy that you need minutes
to think something so simple. That trance? It feel like that. Yes.
Oh
well, there’s always tomorrow right? Today we can sit back and relax and just
worry later…tomorrow. And act too, of course. It’s seems like a petty argument
between now or never, where I am lost. Being tossed around, not struggling but
misplaced. Waiting for a sign, for strength.
-Momina.
